


Ae fond kiss, and then we'll sever

by Garonne



Category: Flight of the Heron - D. K. Broster
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death Fix, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24044722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garonne/pseuds/Garonne
Summary: Edinburgh, 1751.Keith meets Ewen in his rooms in the Cowgate.
Relationships: Ewen Cameron/Keith Windham
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	Ae fond kiss, and then we'll sever

**Author's Note:**

> Note: As several times before, I have gone AU on two points: Ewen is not married, and Keith somehow survived his wound or perhaps was not dealt it in the first place. (I leave the details of how exactly that happened up to your own imagination :) )
> 
> Many thanks to Luzula for beta-reading!

_Edinburgh, 1751_

As Keith crossed the esplanade in front of the Castle, a chill wind from the firth was whipping across that wide open space. He settled his hat more firmly on his head, and plunged down the hill from the Castle Rock into the town. In his coat pocket was the note from Ewen, along with the packet of orders that lay like a leaden weight over his heart.

But he would not think about those orders now. In a few minutes he would see Ewen, for the first time in five months, and the joyful anticipation was almost enough to banish the sick feeling that had settled in the pit of his stomach since last week.

It was early evening, and the West Bow was full of tradesmen, irondealers, cattle drovers and the like, on their way down to the taverns of the Grassmarket for a drink or a bite to eat. Ewen's rooms were at the west end of the Cowgate, the same he always took when he came to Edinburgh, and Keith soon reached them.

Keith felt conspicuous in his red coat, though he had no intention of hiding, and indeed it would have been difficult to do so. He turned into a narrow close, and then up a steep flight of stairs, meeting no one. At the far end of a low, dark corridor, he stopped to rap on Ewen's door. Ewen let him in, and kicked the door shut behind him as their lips met.

Keith tilted his head into the kiss, Ewen's mouth opening under his. It was a long, slow, heartfelt embrace, and he cupped Ewen's jaw in both hands, months of longing lending fervour to his grasp.

He closed his eyes, yielding to the soft touch of Ewen's mouth, the scrape of stubble under his thumbs, the press of Ewen's body against his -- the reality of it so much sweeter than dreams and imagination.

Finally, Ewen stepped back, half laughing. "We are impatient indeed. But how I have longed to see you! You are well, Keith, I hope?"

Keith nodded. Ewen looked well too, and Keith's gaze followed him hungrily as he stepped to the table, where he looked to have been reading a stack of papers by candlelight -- bills and invoices, by all appearances. Keith knew he came to Edinburgh on business -- and also, Keith flattered himself, to see him.

Besides the table, the small sitting room contained two chairs and a shuttered window, with a cheery fire burning in the grate, and a small bedroom beyond.

"Will you take a drink?" Ewen asked, laying a hand on the bottle of brandy that stood on the table.

Sometimes, on these occasions, they tumbled straight into bed, and sometimes they sat talking instead, sharing news of Ardroy and of Keith's rather monotonous life in the Edinburgh garrison. Tonight Keith did not want to talk, not when talking would mean telling Ewen about the orders he had received. He could not bring himself to spoil the evening -- not just yet.

"Take me to bed, Ewen," he said, and his voice sounded strangely hoarse to his own ears.

But if Ewen noticed, he must have set that down to simple desire. He put down the glass he had taken in his hand and looked across at Keith, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Gladly, my friend."

They stripped off their clothes, and Keith's breath caught in his throat at the sight of his friend, hale and splendid, burnished by the candlelight.

He leaned in to kiss the smile on Ewen's lips, letting his fingers roam over the bare skin of shoulders and chest. His hands came to rest over Ewen's heart, and he paused there for a moment, heart's blood thrumming under his fingertips.

Ewen's hands were on Keith's back, drifting lower, and Ewen's kisses on his neck and jaw were soft touches whispering to the fire in his own blood. A lock of Ewen's hair had come loose, tousled by the shirt he had pulled off over his head. Keith raised one hand to push it back, and Ewen turned his head to kiss Keith's palm.

Keith sank to his knees. He stroked his hands along Ewen's thighs, heart pounding at the sight of Ewen's hard length waiting for him. He glanced up, smiling, and then took Ewen in, working at him with hand and mouth until Ewen was gasping, thigh muscles quivering.

"Wait. Keith, wait," Ewen gasped, pushing him away, his face screwed up in agony -- in ecstasy -- as he fought for control.

Keith had to smile at Ewen's determination, as always, not to spend before Keith had, no matter how often Keith told him the gallantry was unnecessary. He had been waiting for months for this, and he could wait a few minutes longer.

"On the bed," said Ewen, tugging him to his feet, and Keith came willingly.

Ewen took the candle and pulled Keith into the bedroom, setting the candle on the floor. He lay down on the bed and Keith lay over him, taking his weight on his arms, as Ewen's hand encircled them both.

He buried his face in the crook of Ewen's shoulder, breathing in clean sweat. His whole world had narrowed down to the sweet pressure and drag of Ewen's hand, and his name a breathy groan on Ewen's lips.

Then Ewen stilled beneath him, and Keith lifted his head to the glorious sight of Ewen's head thrown back, his face transfigured, his lips parted in a long, shuddering groan. Keith lived for these moments, the only time he ever truly felt alive. He choked on a rush of love and pain, and spent with a groan of his own.

He slumped onto Ewen's chest, and if tears were mingling with his sweat, he hardly noticed.

They lay quietly for some time, catching their breaths. Keith closed his eyes, listening to Ewen's heartbeat gradually slow. If he lifted his head, he knew his face would betray him.

Ewen's arm was around him, one hand on the small of Keith's back, thumb gently caressing. Keith let himself enjoy the moment, cherishing the feeling and wishing he could pack it up and make it last a lifetime.

"I have received orders," he said finally, breaking the peaceful, comfortable silence.

Ewen's hand stilled.

"My battalion is to be redeployed to Kent, but I am to go to London, on detachment to General Rich's staff."

"Is it a promotion?"

Keith nodded. It was not a promotion in rank, but it was certainly an advancement in his career.

"My congratulations, Keith." He sounded sincere -- and Keith knew he _was_ sincere. But his arm had tightened around Keith, who realised that he was not the only one grieved by the thought of their impending separation.

"When -- ?" Ewen asked after a pause.

"Next week."

Ewen drew in a sharp breath. "If I had come to Edinburgh and found you gone -- "

"I would have got word to you somehow," Keith said, stirred by the sudden raw note in Ewen's voice.

He had never written to Ewen at Ardroy nor visited him there, not since the time he had been a prisoner there, five years and more ago. He would have felt out of place there, in the home of Ewen's future wife and children. Instead, it was always Ewen who came to him in Edinburgh. But he did not think he could have borne to leave Scotland without seeing Ewen one last time, and indeed he had still not quite accepted that this was the last time they would meet, probably for ever. The sick feeling returned to the pit of his stomach.

Ewen was silent, but his arms were wrapped tightly around Keith, and the lump in Keith's throat threatened suddenly to overwhelm him.

It had been inevitable that this day should come. Keith had been waiting for it for three years now, since Ewen first returned from France, and he had received the first of Ewen's notes:

_I am in Edinburgh on business, & would count it a great Honour if you would consent to sup with me at the Drovers' Arms in the Grassmarket tonight, or whenever may be Convenient to you._

Something was bound to come between them. It had only been a matter of waiting to see what would happen first: the end of Keith's tour of duty in Scotland, or Ewen's marriage to some Highland lady, or even, God forbid, another rebellion.

He had thought it would probably be Ewen's wedding that came first, in fact. Ewen had been betrothed when Keith first met him. He had not married Alison Grant in the end, but he would eventually marry someone else, and when that day came, Keith knew, he would cleave to no one but his wife.

He remembered the first time they lay together, in this same narrow bed, after Ewen's awkward but heartfelt invitation to Keith to return with him to his rooms. That joyful day had been one of the happiest of his life so far.

He had heard of Ewen's escape to France, and heard of his return, three years later, but he had never expected Ewen to seek him out. Indeed, he had feared the man would want nothing to do with him, complicit as he was in a repression that was more soul-crushing and cruel than anything that had happened during the preceding rebellion.

There had been a day when he had thought that all he wanted in the world was to know that Ewen was alive somewhere, and free. Now he wanted more than he could ever have -- more than was reasonable for any man to demand of the universe.

He sat up in the bed and met Ewen's gaze. Those blue eyes were clouded now, and Keith thought he saw something of his own pain echoed in their depths.

"We always knew this day would come, one way or another. These past few years -- " It had been like living outside time, or rather on borrowed time, in some golden otherworld that was too precious to examine too closely. "It could never last for ever," he finished.

"You don't think so?" Ewen's voice was quiet.

"I just didn't know what would come first. Orders taking me away from Scotland, or... something else. If there should be another rising, for instance -- "

Ewen laughed bitterly. "I wish there were some chance of that," he muttered.

They never discussed that subject. Keith only prayed that, whatever wild scheme might be got up, Ewen would not feel himself honour-bound to participate. And indeed, though Keith knew the military authorities had been uneasy in the years immediately following the rebellion, it now seemed less and less likely that day would ever come.

He added, "And in any case, once you are married -- "

Ewen stiffened. He had been staring at the flickering candle, thinking about God knew what -- perhaps plans of rebellion -- but now he looked up sharply.

"Keith, I will never marry."

They faced each other, Keith in uncertainty, and Ewen in earnest.

"Do you truly not see what is before your eyes?" Ewen's voice was low but heartfelt. "Why do you think I come to Edinburgh so often? Why do you think I am here in this bed with you now?"

Ewen had never been one for dissembling, and Keith read his sincerity in his eyes. But even now he hesitated, fearing his own hopes were leading him astray.

The silence grew longer, and Ewen smiled, a hint of wistfulness in his face now. "Keith, I know I have no claim on you. But -- when you leave, you will take my heart with you."

It was almost a body blow, driving the air from Keith's lungs.

"And leave my own heart here with you," he said, the words torn from him.

Ewen stared, then fumbled for Keith's hand, his eyes suddenly bright.

That sharp pain in his chest must be his heart breaking, Keith thought. Why did he feel worse now than at any point since he had received his orders a week earlier? And yet there was joy here too. The sweetest, bitterest cup he'd ever tasted.

Ewen was smiling through his sorrow, and Keith smiled back, suddenly thinking that he had been wrong, earlier. That this, perhaps, was the happiest day of his life.

He pulled Ewen to him, and felt himself crushed to Ewen's chest, his own arms wrapped tightly around his friend.

After a long, long moment, Ewen drew back so that each could see the other's face. "Keith, did you truly not think -- ?"

"No, of course I knew. I always knew." But never let himself believe, he realised now. He took a deep breath. "Yet how much harder it makes the parting! But short of selling out -- "

He considered it, for one wild moment. But what could he do? His career was his life. What would he do if he were no longer a soldier? He could hardly live at Ardroy, nor settle in Edinburgh, a city where he had no roots and no civilian connections.

"Where are you to be sent?" Ewen asked.

"I will be stationed in London, at first." Until General Rich went abroad when war broke out again, was the unspoken corollary to that. Britain was not involved in major hostilities at the moment, but the peace that had held for three years now seemed to be growing ever more fragile.

He had never shirked the battlefield. Indeed, these past few long, dull years in the Edinburgh garrison, he had sometimes secretly longed to be sent where his duty would be to fight, and not to endlessly pace the battlements. But he had never before had so much to lose -- someone to love and to return home to.

"In London?" Ewen said thoughtfully. "That is... not so far." It was ten days' journey from Ardroy. The best part of a month's round trip. Ewen bit his lip, thinking. "I cannot leave Ardroy during the harvest. But perhaps afterwards, in the autumn, if you are still in England... And at some point, surely, you must be granted furlough?"

In the last war, Keith had been on campaign for over two years without seeing England. It was nothing compared to some officers who were sent to the far side of the world, he knew, but at the moment it seemed unbearably long.

"I will write, or come to see you. However we can contrive to see each other soonest."

Ewen's smile lit his face. "I have long wanted to ask you to come to Ardroy, but I wasn't sure you'd want to."

"There is nothing I want more." He gave a sudden shaky laugh. "And to think I came here convinced that this meeting would be our last." It might yet be, but he wouldn't think of that now.

"Oh, Keith," Ewen said softly. "God willing, it won't be so."

They lay curled tightly together, arms wrapped about each other, sometimes kissing, sometimes just lying close, until the candle was quite burned down, and Keith had to return to the Castle and the duties that awaited him there.


End file.
